I’m a firm believer in choosing your battles. You’ve got to consider— is this a battle worth fighting? What happens if I don’t fight this battle? Can I win this battle? What will be the cost of winning this battle? What does winning even mean?
These are questions I’ve pondered at length over the last month while deciding whether I should pick a fight with my husband for taking our daughter to Durkin’s on Sundays while I’m at work. Durkin’s, of course, is a Steelers bar in Lincoln Park, where Jarmon has watched every Steelers game (that he hasn’t flown to Pittsburgh or elsewhere to attend) for the better part of the last two decades. He lives for Durkin’s. It is (for reasons I’ll never fully understand) his happy place.
The byproduct of Jarmon’s loyal attendance at Durkin’s is that when I’m not working on Sundays— I’m a football widow. For this reason, I’ve never really minded working on Sundays. We get such limited time together that I may as well be off during times we can actually spend together. The strategy worked beautifully— until we had a baby. Now, Sundays are Jarmon’s day with Arabella. His old love and his new love are competing for his time and attention.
So, the obvious solutions here are 1) Jarmon could not go to Durkin’s, or 2) we could get a babysitter.
If you know my husband, you know that option one isn’t really an option. If you don’t know my husband, I can’t really explain it to you. (As he likes to point out- I knew what I was signing up for). Option two completely defeats the purpose of me working. So that leads us to option, 3) take Arabella to Durkin’s. Before you judge, hear me out.
I’ve been to Durkin’s many times (back when we were dating and spending Sundays together was what you did). Nothing bad is going to happen at Durkin’s. It’s a bunch of really big Steelers fans watching a football game. Would it be appropriate at 11pm? Of course not. But is watching a daytime football game really all that different from taking your baby to brunch at any restaurant in the city that also has a bar? Brunch is an event in Chicago— and one that babies regularly attend. The difference? Parents are eating eggs instead of wings. Also, Jarmon knows pretty much everyone at Durkin’s (his regular attendance has earned him a reserved table in the coveted back room). I’ve met many of these people and they are lovely. They also send me cute of photos (and more recently videos) of my baby spending the day with her daddy while he beams with with pride over the two things he loves most.
So, is taking Arabella to Durkin’s appropriate? Probably not. And a year from now, it definitely won’t be. But in this particular moment, I’ve decided it’s a battle not worth fighting. If my baby spending a few hours in a Steelers bar with her adoring father is the biggest problem I have, I’m a lucky girl. And like I always say— if no one is getting hurt, it will make a great story later.
Trina Orlando 